We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
God, I missed his penis.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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