She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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