my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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