I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
