sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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