Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
