I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
