I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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