I am in a vortex of obligation.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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