I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
