Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
