i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
