apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
