I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
