all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
