I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
