So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
