Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Randomize
