The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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