yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
