I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
