Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
