i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
