yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
