So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We left the knife in your bed.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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