That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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