respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
