i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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