I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
