Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
