why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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