Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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