mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
