I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
