i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
