I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
