just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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