Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
