We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
