Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
