she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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