Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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