Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
