But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
