Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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