So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I look better un-naked...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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