I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
