That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
