You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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