HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
