he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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