I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
