I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
