I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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