i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
